April 18, 2010


I’m glad I’m not a dog. Or rather, I’m glad I’m not a dog, ESPECIALLY in Taiwan!

Okay, so yesterday I talked about being a cat. Today, to be fair, and kind of as a joke to a dog-owning friend of mine, Renee, I decided to write about not being a dog!

You all know by now that I am a cat lover. I, myself, by Chinese year, a big pussy cat (Tiger). I have great respect for cats. I think cats are the coolest creatures to be, well as WE humans say, domesticated (HA!). Cats are so much like humans, it’s a wonder they don’t control the planet!

Nonetheless, why wouldn’t I want to be dog, or rather, glad I’m not! Well, for beginners, dogs are stupid. They will do anything we tell them to do. Don’t you wish your kids would do the same? Uh huh, I thought so.

Let’s do a quick comparison here. Dogs vs. Cats vs. Human kids…

Dogs
1. Dogs always do as they are told. You can tell them to sit, and they’ll sit. You tell them to stay, they will stay. You tell them to come, and they will come.
2. Dogs will eat anything – and everything! You put a can of dog food, or dry food in their bowl, and they will do everything BUT eat the bowl.
3. Dogs don’t know how to use the bathroom. You take your dog for a walk, and when it wants to, it will crap right there. Who’s left cleaning up? In North America, it’s the owner. In Taiwan, who cares!

Cats
1. Cats never do as they are told. You can tell a cat to sit, stay, or come, and it will look at you like, “Yeah, you want me to do WHAT?”
2. Cats have tastebuds. They like what they like. If they don’t like the food, they won’t eat it. You end up tossing it out, because the stench is more than you can handle. And what you do? You end up buying what the cat wants.
3. Cats know how to use the bathroom. From the time they are weened (about 8 weeks), they have learned what the litter box iis for, and will use it – A LOT! And, similar to the dog, who ends up cleaning it out? Uh huh.

Kids
1. Well, kids are like cats. Oh sure, when they’re young and don’t know, they will do as they are told. Similar to dogs. But as they grow up, you try telling your child to sit, stay, or come!
2. Kids, like cats, have tastebuds. Again, as youngsters, they will eat anything, or almost anything. As they grow up, their tastebuds take on new wants and desires.
3. Kids, until what, age 2 or more, have no idea how to use the bathroom. Parents must train them. Once they learn to use the bathroom, then try to get them out! If you look at the comparison in age of a cat to a human, 1 year = 7 years, then 1 week = 7 weeks. How many human kids know how to use the toilet at 42 weeks (roughly, 10 months)? And who’s left cleaning up? Uh huh.

From as long as I can remember, our family always had at least one cat and one dog, and for me, being the oldest child, one other kid in the family. Now, I was obviously too young when my two brothers were little, but I certainly remember the years of my three younger siblings.

I’d like to believe in a way, although unconsciously or consciously, my parents were giving me a choice in life: dogs, cats, or kids. My VERY conscious decision was, hands down, cats!

To me, having a dog was too much work. Always cleaning up after it went for a walk. Or cleaning up the yard! I always had a fun time feeding the dog though, and even though this may be difficult to read, the thing I found the most hilarious about these stupid animals, was it’s eating habits. I remember oh too well, giving the dog (doesn’t matter what breed, or when, or how old it was) its food. The dog would practically swallow the food, and in more than one instance, toss it back up. Then, proceed to re-eat! I know, I know, you didn’t want to read that. But, if you are insane enough, and want to test my theory, please, warn your dog ahead of time what you are about to test!

Cats on the other hand, were a little more civilized. You could put down the whole can of food, or fill it’s bowl with dry up to the ceiling, and it will only eat until it is sated. No over-eating. No tossing it up. And, well, if you put too much food in its bowl, it wasn’t the cat’s fault! Sure, I have one cat that will do this, and it ticks me off to no end. However, she is trying to tell me something. That is, she’s hungry.

Cornelia will not, has not, and likely will never, eat dry food. She swallows it, and will fill her tummy intentionally, until she can find a spot where she KNOWS I will be walking, and promptly toss her kibbles. When I go to clean up this mess, which in most cases, almost makes ME toss my kibbles, I will notice that not one piece of dry food is crumbled. It is as though she took a handful, dropped it on the floor, and spit in it! She only likes wet food. Whiskas is her favourite, but she will stoop to the other brands when I refuse to give her a separate meal!

Cats also learn at an early age how to use the litter box. Again, the only time that they will NOT use this device, is when it is ready to be cleaned. And with six cats, cleaning it out means every day, or at the very least, every other day. I’ve talked about litter cleaning in a previous blog. I have 3 litter boxes for my babies. You’d think that would be enough. But I’m telling you, here and now, they each need their own! Besides that, when the boxes are cleaned out, whether it be the emptying through the week, or the whole cleaning once a week, the first one to use them, and literally, he uses ALL 3 first, is Gabriel.

Kids though, have to be trained, and it takes a lot longer, sometimes a LIFETIME, before they will understand anything. Oh sure, they do learn eventually how to use the bathroom. And yes, as they get older, they learn that eating vegetables is going to keep them from suffering an early death, and, they learn that all the commands that they never listened to, well, THEIR kids don’t listen either!

Getting back to the topic. I’m glad I’m not a dog. What is a dog’s life? Doing tricks. Eating and tossing. Being tied up. And, if you’re fortunate (or unfortunate) enough to be a dog in Taiwan, especially a little dog, it also means being dressed up in silly costumes, having your hair dyed, little bows and ribbons, and basically, being treated like a toy doll.

No thanks. I now understand where the saying, “It’s a dog’s life,” comes from!

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